Neena Dominic, Author at International Student House Washington, DC

The Magic of Christmas at ISH

January 13, 2015 by Neena Dominic

Christmas was fast approaching. The house was becoming emptier by the day with residents leaving home for their vacations. We went from a whopping 98 student housing to just eight. The remaining eight could not leave the country for various reasons. We tried our best to incorporate as much Christmas to our rooms in ISH. But, who were we kidding?! We knew that we were headed for one of the most depressing Christmases of our lives. What we didn’t know at that time is Christmas is all about finding hope and the magic that surrounds us. Just when we had lost any hopes of even the remotest family Christmas, we were shown the magic of Christmas by this great couple – Mr. Roemer and Mrs. Selby McPhee, one of the current Board members. They showed their utmost kindness to me and Kristina by inviting us to join their family Christmas dinner. Needless to say, we were pleasantly surprised at this couple’s generosity to invite two strangers into their very intimate Christmas.

On Christmas day, we were picked up by Selby’s cousin and her wife. As we introduced each other, we passed urban Washington to enter the beautiful Potomac area with fancy “Richie-rich” like mansions. We finally reached the McPhee house. Warm and welcoming family members greeted us in. The whole dinner was to be attended by 16 members including Selby’s cousins – Susan and Bertha, Susan’s wife, Selby’s daughters – Erica and Katharina, their spouses and most adorable kids we had ever met in America.

They had a beautifully decorated Christmas tree and gifts for both of us. We settled into our conversations as we tasted broccoli and cheese soup. Selby gathered all the kids and got a world map. We pointed our respective countries in the map to the curious children. After this, it was time for the sit down Christmas dinner. We shared Christmas traditions from our country and wished Christmas to the whole family in our respective mother tongues. We really enjoyed the home cooked tasty meal. For me, the desserts really sealed the deal – especially the pecan pie. This is by far the best dessert I have tasted in America.

As the pie melted in my mouth, I realized how thankful I am to these kind people. They included us in their private family dinner. If not for them, we would have had a very lonely Christmas – so far away from home. For a moment there, we forgot our problems and became one with the happy family and their conversations, the typical kind of happy stories shared when families meet. The stories that bond humans together. We forgot that we were strangers and blended into their family.

The magic that would not let us spend a lonely Christmas – even if we were miles away from our home countries and families and loved ones. Thanks to ISH for this amazing arrangement. Thanks to the McPhee Family for their generosity. Needless to say, it turned out to be one of the most memorable Christmases for us.

Spring Residents of 2015 – You will be more than fine!!

January 5, 2015 by Neena Dominic

Two years ago, around this season, I landed in the US for the first time. It was a dream come true. I couldn’t believe that something that seemed impossible at first became possible. Years before, in my high school slam-book, I had noted down that my dream has been to receive my higher education in America. However, when a series of unpredicted events happened I had almost lost all hope of even considering it. 10 years had passed since that dream, but I guess, that is the thing about dreams. If you wish for something hard enough, the universe will conspire and hand it over to you at the right time – against all odds!!

I stood there at the exit of Dulles international airport with the January chill piercing through my face. It felt real (except for my nose – which I could not “feel” at all). I paused a whole second to remember the moment that I first stepped foot in this great country. I felt alive, more so because I was entering my dream for real. I was accepted to do my Masters at Johns Hopkins (which everyone knew about even in small towns in India) and felt even better when the immigration officer was impressed to see Johns Hopkins in my visa stamp. My stay would be at the International Student House of Washington, DC (ISH-DC).

I was very skeptical at first about ISH. It seemed old, and sounded like a dorm. Little did I know that soon this place was going to be my most favorite place on earth. But, I had to go through a process before that.

So, grad school began. There was limited interaction with my classmates (that too was mostly program related), as to be expected from grad schools. I had a lot to study and a lot to read. I had to do this while experiencing my cultural shocks in the US – not understanding the language, sometimes not following the accent, and not understanding the cultural sensitivities. The climate was chilling, the food was different, my body was reacting differently to the extreme change in climate (from tropical India to desert Dubai to freezing Washington). Being so far away from family didn’t help either. People in US seemed direct, cold, and straight to the point (I later on discovered that people here are so warm and welcoming to foreigners. Everything I experienced initially was a figment of my worst fears.)

The whole situation reminded me of a Chinese proverb – Beware of what you wish for. I felt like I had made a wrong choice. Everything seemed so overwhelming. The dream was turning into a pile of disappointments.

As Asians, we are used to indirect messaging. In America, people communicate much more directly. Initially, this might look rude for an Asian (As you proceed with your stay in US, you will figure out that direct communication is in fact more convenient and time-saving). I got a first-hand taste of “direct communication” when my program adviser called me in three weeks into the spring semester. She said that, I may not be a perfect fit for this program. She had arrived at this conclusion because I had written my professor more than twice asking for clarification on what is required for the assignment, since the rubric she had presented was not clear. Back home, we are used to professors helping us out to the point that we were completely dependent on them. This was a major difference in education system here – you are on your own. I had failed to recognize this and my program adviser took it that I won’t be able to sustain the pressure of the program. I didn’t know what to do. I had left my well paid job in Dubai to pursue this dream and now it looked like I was not fit for it.

I came to ISH that night all shattered and indecisive. I sat down for dinner and my friends at that time could read my face. They intervened and that dinner conversation completely boosted me up. These were students from previous years and they knew exactly what to say. They did not seem worried at all about this whole set up.

They confirmed that most of the international students will go through this phase while they are in their first semester. If the program looks challenging, that means we did sign up for the right program. Part of the American education is to bring you out of your comfort zone and push you further than your limits. This is why American education is ranked the best and this is why we, the international students chose it over several other options. My ISH friends continued to support me, encouraged me, and even gave me some hacks to make it easier. I regained my confidence and worked harder. Guess what? It worked!! ISH was one privilege other international classmates in my program did not have.

This is why ISH turned out to be more than just a dorm. It became a true family. Picking each other up when it hit rock bottom. We bonded over our initial cultural shocks. So, dear students of Spring 2015, there is a good chance that your first semester in US will be hard. It might look difficult, but it won’t be impossible to get through it. Do not feel disappointed. At the end of this education, you will find a new person emerges out of you – exactly what American education is known for. All that work will be worth it and the ISH community has helped contribute a lot to this success in enhancing your education.

So, get ready for the challenge. When you hit roadblocks, feel free to talk to your friends in ISH (or find me, if anything, I can be a good listener). We will figure out a way together. We will not let you give up. At least, my previous ISH friends didn’t let me give up and I graduated successfully after all that turmoil. I also had several great American experiences along with my schooling – making it a perfect “education”. All thanks to the ISH community.

So Long…Farewell…

December 4, 2014 by Neena Dominic

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Everything good must come to an end!!! No, wait, that’s too sad a statement. Let me rephrase it. Everything good should end to make room for something better. So, after an amazing semester, it’s time for some of us to say goodbye. After a whole semester (or more in some cases) of togetherness, we are not going to live under one roof again. What makes this bonding so special? It is not only the fact that we are living a majority of our limited stay in ISH together, but also the sharing of experiences. Experiences of food, music, conversations – joyful or painful.

Food

I think our ISH experience would not be half as good without our amazing food. The wide variety of cuisine breaks the monotony of a dinner and each night gives us a celebration of tastes. I am sorry late dinner people – but I am sure you will agree too. I take pride in the fact that our food is not typical messy food. In fact, it comes from one of the finest French catering companies in the world (No, I am not plugging in their advertisement, but I am Indian, and I take my food very seriously. My body takes it too – but that’s clearly for another post). I once heard that our head Chef Vincent fought with his superiors to alter our dinner menu. If it was not for him, we would be still having the same menu every day, similar to a school cafeteria. He promised his bosses that he will fit different cuisines in the menu within the budget they specified. Thats how we have Mexican Thursdays, Steak tuesdays, Italian Wednesdays, those amazing tender Lambs on Sunday, and if “I” wish hard enough – Indian Butterchicken masala sometimes.

Don’t even get me started on those desserts! Tiramisu, Canolis, Danish pies, chocolate cakes, carrot cakes, banana puddings…Slurp!! When Hurricane Sandy hit few years back, Hassent (our fabulous lady chef) volunteered to stay over for several days so that we didn’t go hungry. She was not required to, out of the grace of her heart. Her job is not as easy as it looks. Hassent has to wake up at 3.30 am everyday!!! Try putting up a happy face after that. She puts a great breakfast in our plates (those quiches, blueberry pancakes and french toast are to die for, not to mention her awesome Omelets from fresh eggs).

These people know each one of us – they silently observe us and even know our food patterns. In a mystical way, they can even tell if we are sad or happy. They don’t seem to care a lot, but the truth is they do. I have stayed in ISH for about 1.5 years, and not one day has gone by since any of us has gotten sick from the food. This is done by ensuring strictest hygiene. So, next time they ask us not to bring a used plate inside, its probably for our best. If they say “no, we cant pack a special dinner for just you just this once”, it is because they want to be fair to the remaining 97 of us. Let us be grateful to these amazing people. I feel sorry for those residents who complain to chefs about a policy change on using paper plates or so. One thing I learned in my Organizational Communication class is that if you need to change policies don’t talk to employees, but to the policy makers. There is no point complaining to kitchen staff about it.

Music

You walk home from a stressful day of work and soothing music welcomes you. You look up and you realize it’s one of our ISH maestros doing their magic in the piano room. We stand outside ISH door gazing at the window above. Soon we are joined by other random passersbyers who stop to wonder whats happening upstairs. Sometimes, we proudly brag to them that this is a usual thing in this place. The magic of music takes over.

After dinner, you join the piano room, which by now has more music enthusiasts in it. In the spur of a moment, a band evolves and we see people from five different countries come together to sing What a wonderful world (in five different accents). But, music has no language and what evolves is pure celebration in the middle of the week.

I have a confession to make about that music room. I am sure many people in the house have that confession about the piano hall (Ok, its probably not what you are thinking). My best sleep in the duration of my stay in this house has happened in that hall. I went there one summer afternoon to read. One of my dear friends was playing the piano. As her fingers brought out the best music I slowly escaped into this calm place of solitude filled with peaceful dreams. I think the walls of the great hall have ears. They absorb this amazing music and give out radiations of peace to its visitors in return.

Conversations

For me, this is the best part. If food and music are the icing on the cake, the real deal comes when we sit around chatting. All sorts of topics are included – political, religion, life, childhood, youth, sometimes past experiences – love, hatred, traumas… I have found that ISH residents find it easier to connect to absolute strangers than their own family or people from their countries. It’s probably because strangers judge you less. They can give you a third party perspective. Strangely enough there is more kindness in ISH friendships than you would generally expect. After sharing something like that, your friendships grow into a heart to heart bond. We also know each other better. We know why this particular girl is resentful to men – her dad abandoned her when she was a child. Why this guy is a hardcore cynic about relationships – the girl he loved so much, mercilessly broke his heart. Another guy hates God. It would seem that God was not there when he needed him the most. This girl publicly despises marriages. She has not seen her parents happy together one day of her life. One girl is always craving for male attention. Her dad wanted a boy and all her life she tried to live up to his expectations, but in vain. Now she is secretly craving for that approval from others. We know why this guy is always attacking people verbally. Not because he is arrogant as he comes across, but he has gone through some unimaginable things in his childhood. His way of talking is only his defense mechanisms to avoid any further attacks – before someone attacks him (or he fears so) he attacks them. We know why this guy is socially awkward – he was bullied in his childhood and spent so much time in his cocoon that he is now used to that way only. A social setting scares the bejesus out of him. But, we are empathetic to each other. We care for each other in a very special way. Because in the limited stay we are here for, we are all we have got. No room for judgments. Only room for kindness, love and affection. And sometimes, it liberates each one of us from our past baggage.

We know that its going to be OK. We know that sometimes, kindness and love can still come from most unexpected places. It fills us with hope for future. A topic about conversations is incomplete without the mention of “sharing human experiences in ISH” (some people mistake it for gossip). I dare not contaminate this with a word like that. As long as it doesn’t malice someone’s honor and reputation, I think, this becomes an amazing bonding experience. We know what that person is happy about. It’s about seeing someone chasing a dream and getting it. More people deserve to know about it. We know this person likes this other person and that person likes this other person. We have a relationship food chain going on in ISH. We know this person dated a celebrity once. Next time you see that person, you suddenly have an elevated respect (?). It becomes an internal branding, where everyone looks good. Everyone has a story and each one is the hero of their story or will be by the time the story is circulated within the house. So, to all my dear friends who are biding good bye. We will miss you. Each one of you with your unique personality added to the ISH experience. It is not the end of something beautiful, but the beginning of something more beautiful for you. ISH experience has enriched your psyche. You have amazing friends from all over the world now. Some of them know some of your deepest secrets, but they are OK with it. You are ready for the real world – well almost. Be happy about it. You have all those memories with you. Some of them will last a long time. When you reach your home and start unpacking and settling back, you will wonder “Did ISH really happen or was it just a beautiful dream?” Season’s greetings to all of you!! A great year awaits us!!

Romance in the air or under your skin?

November 21, 2014 by Neena Dominic

This post is dedicated to all the hopeless romantics of International Student House Fall semester. Those who are interested in that special someone and are feeling the pangs of that attraction – the happy and the unhappy kinds. It is also dedicated to opposite end of the spectrum; hardcore cynics.

It is that time of the year…

Chillier weather outside, lots of work inside, intermittent chat breaks in the dining hall. More people are spending time together. You see the same people day and night. You dine with them, you have breakfast with them. You see them at their best and worst. It’s only natural that the “forces of nature” come into play. You know what I am talking about – the forces that show you there is a special someone for you in the house.

I would guess, 75% of the residents in our house have had a crush on another resident in the duration of their stay. Some of these crushes led to long term relationships, for some it was just a trend of the season, but for the remaining, it was a hopeless infatuation.

Til yesterday, that person was just one among the many dear “inmates”. But suddenly, you realize something has changed inside you. You wish to see that person more often. This is how it begins. You feel your heart weighs a ton when he/she walks in. Your tongue freezes and you are your awkward self when you are talking to that person. You drop things. You stutter when you talk. You feel sick (in a good way). You palpitate. You can hear your heart beat like the bass at the discotheque.

You feel alive and it seems like every cell in your body is smiling…You are walking on clouds…You try to reason it…Why are you attracted to this person? What makes him/her unique from the remaining crowd? Is it the Italian accent? Or the crisp English manners? Or the conventional belief systems they have? Or the similarities that connect you? Or the fact that she is distinguishably different from the rest of the crowd in the house (at-least to you)? Or his lonely and awkward disposition? Or her Jacky Kennedy like elegant looks? Or her German demeanor? The way that person cracks you up? Or is it a friendship slowly blossoming into romance without one of you realizing it?

Suddenly, you start seeing that person everywhere (or you think you are). Sometimes, you wish for your crush to walk by so badly when he/she does walks in, it feels like it’s magic (especially when you put in that extra effort to look good and it would be a waste if they didn’t see). This happens several times and you feel like you have supernatural powers to make them appear out of nowhere. You forgot the fact that it’s a small house with just one coffee machine (its just odds, nothing magical). It feels like you won a lottery of some kind.

You steal glances. Sometimes that lingering eye contact (that you may have imagined) makes you feel like time froze over…Your day is made from that one glance…

All in all it is an amazing feeling!!!

Love is love no matter where you are and which culture you come from…ISH is a perfect setting to witness that…

But I think, unless you practice caution, this is a very risky state to be in…It gets to be the exact opposite of Euphoria!!

The next thing you know, your friends are trying to block you from entering the dining hall as if it is some crime scene (they know it better; you wont be able to take this sight). But, despite the warnings, you still walk in and see it. There it is – your crush is interested in someone else. You haven’t seen her/him so lit up when talking to anybody else in the house. It is almost like your crush swallowed a hanger before sitting down with the other person – can’t stop smiling. And all you want to do is disappear from the face of the planet. This happens again and again and you suffer a slow death from inside. Your beautiful dream just turned into a nightmare. If you are lucky, your romance will also end after witnessing your crush with someone else and you might just snap out of your “crush-hood”.

Remember that statistic I mentioned earlier about 75% of residents having a crush on other residents. Well, 80% of those don’t end up in a relationship or anywhere.

But then, that is the good thing about ISH. As much as it is easy to fall for that someone, it is also easy to move on to the next person. As the famous saying goes, “there is other fish in the pond”. Do I hear a French accent from the new resident? It is music to the ears and a sight to sore eyes. Added bonus – This one can actually maintain a witty and engaging conversation too. It is probably a sign from the universe to move on.

On a serious note, you would be very selfish if you are frustrated and angry to see the person you claim to love so much so happy and lit up with someone else. Remember, the true sense of love is not about you, it’s more about making the other person happy. If you are not happy to see your crush’s happiness, it’s a litmus test to tell that you never loved that person in the first place. You were looking for validation for yourself in him/her. You were just measuring yourself against that person to make yourself feel good.

Feel happy for him/her and move on to better goals in life. It’s just not meant to be and the right person is yet to come. Measure you against yourself. Set some difficult goals and try to achieve it – trust me it will feel a lot better than measuring yourself against someone else.

What gives me the right to talk about all this stuff? I agree, I am no expert…But, I am married for 12 years which gives me a slight (stress on the word “slight”) authoritative edge to talk about love and relationships. Who can figure it out completely anyways? And it is/was so different from how I experienced it, but I don’t need to experience it firsthand to know about it.
Years later when we think about our awesome stay in ISH, an unrequited love story, if it happened, would only add more flavor to our memories.

So let’s take the euphoria from the experience and leave the pain behind. Let us keep the romance in the air and not let it get under our skin. Let us make the most of this beautiful fall semester with productive enthusiasm and aspirations for our better future.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Ready to “Fall”?

October 2, 2014 by Neena Dominic

Ready to “Fall”?

Fall semester has begun. As my dear German friend Lars says, “ISH forms a distinctly different soul each semester.” A soul made up of its diverse residents from around the world. How do I know? I have lived and enjoyed five semesters in International Student House, D.C.

As I see the new students check in, with their usual skepticism and cynicism about ISH, I wonder if they have any clue on the amazing time that awaits them in ISH, D.C. On that thought, I would like to cordially welcome all the awesome new members of the ISH family.

Any issue, idea or place usually warrants divided reviews. It is next to impossible to find a place/idea/concept that is unanimously liked by everyone. ISH, DC is that place for me!!

Several hundred students stayed and left during my stay in ISH. I am yet to hear a resident say, “I hate this place!!” (Except for that one guy who was unfortunate to land on the day his room-heater didn’t work and left the next morning – well, outliers exist everywhere plus he would have “ceased to exist” if he stayed one more night in a room without a heater in mid-January of 2014.) Of course I am kidding; our dear housekeeping people fixed it right away.

They all leave with amazing memories from ISH. The kind of memories that, when we look back years later, will surely fetch a positive thought, a “sappy” moment for some, irrespective of how messy your current situation would be. People here undergo transformations without even realizing it. You will know it if you closely observe them–something I love to do.

The best lesson amongst the many I learned from ISH is that if you are patient, there is something loveable in every person you meet in ISH. Many times, I felt/feel a sense of dislike for some people in the house about how thoughtlessly they express their extreme viewpoints in a group, ending up hurting some other person’s feelings or belief systems. But, as I stay longer, I see those two people bond over their very same differences. Should I say the ISH community teaches you to connect to the human soul in a fellow resident – irrespective of your exterior predispositions? I will nod (I am an Indian, I have to nod even when I am writing) – a “yes” nod.

As we progress in our stay in ISH, we experience a fade of every divide that separates us from each other – our country, race, color or religion. Soul to soul connections are made.It is impossible to segregate and stay within your own ethnic groups in ISH. The idea of fixed meal timings induces a forced intermingling, which breaks away the initial inhibitions. From this forced mingling springs the best kind of intercultural friendships, a sense of cross-border brotherhood/sisterhood and sometimes deep (or not so deep) romances.

It is obvious that every resident in ISH is in pursuit of a goal/dream – personal, professional or both. The problem with chasing your dream is that, sometimes, you tend to lose momentum or even worse hit stumbling blocks like cultural shocks, homesickness, heartbreaks, depression and what not. But there is always that one ISH member for you, who will always support you, remind you of your capabilities and even goes the extra mile to provide solutions.

We understand each other in a strangely amazing way. We weep together, laugh together, laugh at ourselves all the time and embrace all that we are. We bond in our pajamas over our breakfast table. How pretentious can you be in your pajama, half awake and barely making it to the closing mess door at 8.57 am, lest you should end up missing the breakfast?

The other day we watched the Dead Poets Society and I am very touched by the scene where Robin Williams (God rest his soul) stands up on the table and urges his students to “constantly look at things in a different way”. Each person in ISH comes with a unique view point about any issue. On a typical dinner or breakfast table, one of these issues is put to discussion and what emerges is a collage of diverse viewpoints. Each individual leaves the discussion having learned something new he/she had not observed about the issue. These discussions always show us a different way to look at things.

I can go on and on about my stay in ISH. But, this is only a prelude to the amazing experiences that awaits all of us in ISH. Let us together make the most of this rare gift of experience given to us.

I mean, for instance, what are the chances of a woman from a small town in Southern India connecting with people from Tongo, East Timor, or Ecuador while studying in U.S?

Very slim chances (The odds are only almost 1 in 1.3 Billion).

Well, not in ISH!! Chances are you and I will connect with people from places “I” have not even heard of – not because they are less significant, but simply because I am more ignorant.

ISHers are one big happy family of lawyers, doctors, scientists, engineers, policy writers, influencers, prospective national leaders…The list of achievers goes on and on. Each amazing ISH resident, with his/her unique story and vibe adds up to form the distinctly different spirit of ISH in this Fall semester.